Struggling

I feel like I am falling, drifting into a seemingly endless void.  Like my motivation and desire usually does, it comes in spurts, moments in time that I never want to end.  The creativity and momentum that I had has seemed to drain out of my fingertips with no recharge station to be found.  I need an adventure.  A mental break, something to stimulate my mind, prick at my neurons and convince me that I am, in fact, still alive.  I had a great weekend, and I don't know what is causing this feeling of helplessness, and I suppose I should be used to these emotional surges by now do to my constant shift in birth control due to problems with the previous.  I can't tell what normal feels like any more, not that I would ever be happy with normal.  I just wish I had one day where I could feel content, satisfied, not feeling like something was missing.

My love life is perfect.  My cats add great joy and frustration, but always bring something new to my day.  The food recently has been equisite.  But I still feel like there is something missing.  Maybe it's Star Island, maybe it's nature, but whatever it is, I need to find it.  If I lose my way with writing again, I worry I'll never be able to get it back.

The shallow dream

Gets me every time

The beauty of a dream

Bodes the heart and begs the crime

And here it is

Lost and alone

The shallow dream

Empty promises

and I let it lie

Old Photos

Going through my old photos on my flickr account.  I realize that most of them - the earlier ones - are crap.  Posted prior to much photo editing, me thinking - stupidly - that my photos could actually look good without any finishing.  The colours are muted, dark and murky, and not in a good, artistic way.

This was one of the few shots I took that I feel is actually any good, actually decent without post-production.  It's amazing how much a slight exposure enhancement will take your photo.

This was taken during my really long walk down Hollywood Blvd.  Spring Break, 2007, March-ish.  I was visiting a friend who happened to be my RA my freshman year, and a co-RA my sophomore year in college.  It was a hot day and I had to buy a really expensive 5 dollar drink on my walk just to stay cool.  Since this day, I have lived in Los Angeles for a year and a half, I have never been back to Hollywood Blvd.  I've passed it, sure, but once you "see the stars" there really is no need to go back.  It's too busy, too crowded, too touristy.  There's traffic, beeping, it's loud.  People have this walk associated with some kind of glamour, and though it was fun to be a tourist, once you are a "local" you really want to avoid it at all costs.