Music and Writing

I haven't written anything in a really long time.  Not only is it frustrating, but it's also somewhat disheartening.  I feel like since I can't even write a silly blog, or can't even tweet, or can't even keep up my promise to write three pages of journal entries a day to myself - how am I ever going to finish my novel?  Something I used to do while writing, particularly the story with Anthony, was listen to hardcore music.  Listen to something angry, something angsty... And recently, I just haven't been in the mood to listen to really horrible singers screaming through a microphone while a bass drum is being hit with a dual kicker in the background...

I've been listening to things that make me mellow, things that trip me out.  Things that make me zone.  Which, hey, that would be great if I was working on Jessica's story.  Or that would be great if I was even working on Sophie's - though her music is much more classical and orchestral - but I'm not.  My focus is on Anthony.  And maybe it shouldn't be.  Maybe I'm just not angry enough to write his angsty growing up story anymore.  I mean... I wish I had finished it when I was still having all of those emotions.  Suffering from insurmountable loneliness, home-sickness, and just this deep pit of seemingly endless despair.  But I'm happy now.  Is it possible for me to write emotions while being happy?  Everything that comes out just seems trite and annoying.  Like someone that is trying to connect with their character but just can't.  Is it as simple as listening to hardcore music again?  Would that put me back in touch with my character on a non-superficial level?  I understand his flirtatiousness, I understand his sarcasm - that much I got from myself...  But what about the burning hatred, the frustration over being in love, the insane amount of paranoia that comes with being who he is... And really the egotistical side of him, though I can relate a little bit, I just do not have that fake sense of self-confidence that he convinces everyone, even himself, that he has.

I understand who you are so well, my dear character - but I don't understand what you are feeling anymore.  I don't suffer with you anymore.  How can I write sincerely if I don't feel an emotional connection?