My Spirit's Home

Every year since I was seventeen, I have been going to this magical place in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean called Star Island, part of the Isle of Shoals. Since moving to California, it has been hard to be separated from all of the people that I have known and loved from there, but it is even harder to not be there with them this year. I aged out of YRUU Week last year, and I don't really have the heart to start going to YAC (not to mention that I don't have the vacation time). I'm too attached to my younger brethren at YRUU Week, and though I know a lot of people that attend the Young Adult Conference, it is hard for me to finally admit that this is a goodbye.

But that's what it is. A parting of ways, a growing up, and I still refuse to let go. Some things are too good to forget, and this week that was a part of my life for so long is one of those weeks. This probably explains why the background to this entire blog is Star Island.

I watch from Facebook and see everyone growing up, getting in and out of relationships, I feel like an observer on what used to be a part of my life. I have kept some people close at heart, but it is still hard to long for that sense of community.

Wrote three pages yesterday, not of Anthony's story like I intended, but of Jessica's. I guess I'm in the mood to be a somewhat snotty, self-righteous teenager who is really completely lost and confused.

Kittens, Cats, and Ferals

Cici, the scaredy cat

I have spent my time in Los Angeles getting to know the cats in my life. I think it's funny, and my boyfriend commented on it too, that I can be so positive about cats, kittens, ferals, and be so pessimistic about everything else.

Cici, the scaredy cat, the girl, and the little calico with bright green eyes, has finally gotten used to me. She stops hissing when I tell her to. She waits at the door, looking up through the window until she catches my eye and prays that I will come out and feed her. She's had one kitten in the time that I've known her. I've gotten a trap, to hopefully catch her, and fix her, so that her singular kitten will be the only one.

Lance, or Lancer, her violent brother, is a loud one. He's not fixed either, and yes, you guessed it, the kitten is his as well. They have the same eyes and the same face, so it's possible that they are just distant cousins because their patterns are so vastly different. He's just a tabby, with a huge bulky tail.

Lastly, there are the elusive Dragon and Toothless. Toothless is named after the dragon in How to Train Your Dragon, and honestly, it fits him well. I have seen him twice since moving in. All black, yellow eyes. Dragon is a fluffy grey ball that has the perfect cat mouth. It does the downward triangle: ^ and his face is almost flat, making me think he has some sort of Persian in him. He has yellow eyes and, currently, is suffering from a huge bite on his forehead. Remember how I said Lance was violent? They don't get along, both being males, they fight for territory. Currently, Dragon has been hanging around Cici more, so there might be a cat-drama fest going on with the little hussie.

I am going to try to get Dragon too, so that I can get him a shot of anti-biotics. I only have time on weekends to get them fixed, which means I'll have to drive down to Long Beach and pay 70-80 dollars for each one at the SPCA. I can only do one at a time, and since it's going to cost so much, I'll probably have to spay them weeks apart. But, if I can get Cici first, that would be ideal. I think she is the only female in the area. Of course the males can wander, but she's my priority. I can get to the others in a month or two.

Any and all suggestions on how to spay them all cheaply, on the weekend, would be great.

Then there are my two domestics. My cat, Rusty, I received mostly as a foster. I intentionally did not want to adopt, because, well, it's time and money. Though, the love bug somehow convinced me on keeping him. Maybe it was the way he woke me up in the morning by purring in my face and staring at me and waiting until I fed him. Maybe it was the way he needed help and was sick, but I couldn't just give him up, not without trying.

And my kitten, Munster, newly adopted from one of my friends. It's tragic really, she did a favour for a neighbor, took in one of her "fixed" females, and she ended up having kittens. She's getting them fixed for free, at either the Amanda Foundation, or FixNation. Munster is the typical kitten, though very sickly himself (why do I pick sick cats?). He loves to play, run, attack himself in the mirror, and is a tabby with a twist. His face has the exact markings of a wolf. It's pretty cool, bright white fur around his eyes, his eyes match his coat, but still have a slight dark blue around the outside of them. Absolutely gorgeous kitten. Unfortunately, he probably has feline herpes, though we can't know for sure until he's older. He has tongue ulcers. Antibiotics cleared up everything out (conjunctivitis), but I just noticed that he might still have intestinal parasites last night. So it's off for another vet bill today for him. I love the little guy, but he's cost me about $300 so far, and that appears to just be the beginning.

Old Photos

Going through my old photos on my flickr account.  I realize that most of them - the earlier ones - are crap.  Posted prior to much photo editing, me thinking - stupidly - that my photos could actually look good without any finishing.  The colours are muted, dark and murky, and not in a good, artistic way.

This was one of the few shots I took that I feel is actually any good, actually decent without post-production.  It's amazing how much a slight exposure enhancement will take your photo.

This was taken during my really long walk down Hollywood Blvd.  Spring Break, 2007, March-ish.  I was visiting a friend who happened to be my RA my freshman year, and a co-RA my sophomore year in college.  It was a hot day and I had to buy a really expensive 5 dollar drink on my walk just to stay cool.  Since this day, I have lived in Los Angeles for a year and a half, I have never been back to Hollywood Blvd.  I've passed it, sure, but once you "see the stars" there really is no need to go back.  It's too busy, too crowded, too touristy.  There's traffic, beeping, it's loud.  People have this walk associated with some kind of glamour, and though it was fun to be a tourist, once you are a "local" you really want to avoid it at all costs.

Two Years...

Barcelona, Spain - Two Years Ago

It's strange to think of how much can happen in two years... Even in one. Two years ago, about this time of year, I was still in Europe, probably around Rome, sick as a dog, wandering the streets, eating 10 times my weight in food to just stay awake. Walking with this guy that I knew I would probably never see again, though, at the time, I wanted to.

Since then... brief summary. I lived with my ex-boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend for the first semester of my senior year (and two other people). Somehow, I survived that drama fest. I got back together with on and off again guy from Los Angeles, and took a road trip with the guy I thought I'd never see again (Europe - ah, yes). Though, I didn't feel the same for him anymore, we remained good friends.

Moved to Los Angeles, became so homesick that I almost felt like giving up. My boyfriend couldn't handle me as the over-emotional person I am and gave me the boot. Worst time of my life being trapped in a city, knowing a handful of people that I have since grown apart from, and being completely and utterly... alone.

Graduated, drank entirely too much that week. Finally kissed the guy that I had crushed on for my entire college career - realized he wasn't a great a kisser. And after all that, came back to Los Angeles. Why? I don't know, but I am insanely happy with the move. Moved into a house, got some roommates, adopted a cat, worked at Barnes and Noble for a year, was diagnosed with pre-cancerous skin cells, got those removed, diagnosed with spinal arthritis, and through my meaningless coffee-serving day job, I met my current, and hopefully last (in a good way) beau.

Through the last two years of my life, I have never felt so isolated, I have never partied more, I have never been so scared, and I have never been so unfocused and lost. Was it worth it? Hell yes.

All the mistakes in the world to land me here. A great boyfriend, a supportive group of friends (completely different than those I set foot in LA with), a home away from home, and the strength to get through anything.

I feel pretty darn good since Europe two years ago. Most of it was downturn, but the final, and surprising upturn towards the end, has to be one of the best payoffs that I think anyone could ever ask for.

Private School = The Need for a Third Education

After getting a really expensive undergrad degree at a private college landed me on the opposite side of the country with no idea what I should do, no direction, and absolutely no help from anyone (minus my loving parents, of course), and after working as a barista for a year, a hostess for five months, and working three jobs for two months to barely make my life work, I think I've finally realized what makes me tick.

Beyond writing, which I can do any time at my own leisure, I have this strange desire to save things. Not people - I've never been one for saving people - but animals, trees, and heck - everyone knows, I'm a huge pack rat. That's what I do best, get a lot of things into a very compact space.

So, with my pack rat skills, my desire to save, and a now useless college degree in hand, I've decided to apply to an online school - probably University of Phoenix - for BA in Environmental Studies. If the other Rachel Desilets can live in Vermont and grow an organic farm, I can certainly live in Los Angeles and do ... something to help the environment? Starting with that grey, smog filled sky of ours.

Only one basic math course, one basic chemisty, one basic biology, and then you are on your way to learning specifics. Conservation biology, geology, environmental law, ecology and evolution, risk assessment, and overall: how everyone is messing up the world. Things of that depressing nature.

But the end result, is possibly, and hopefully, to finally land me in a job where I feel positive. Like I am doing something positive for the world.

Why not do an expensive college again? Or maybe, at least, a campus school?

Expensive college is just that - expensive!
And a campus school - when you are working a full time job, it really doesn't bend to your schedule, now does it.
And plus, I hate driving.

Also, I truely believe now that you learn more in the field than studying it in the classroom. Emerson could have taught me the world, but that wouldn't mean anything to perspective employers. "I know everything about everything!" The response, "Great, what experience do you have?" ... Long, awkward silence.

So, a degree, though it is a fancy looking piece of paper signed by fancy people, means little to me anymore. I'd rather get the general knowledge (which, let's be honest, I could by textbooks from 2004 and learn the same amount, but you can't very well go into a job interview and say that you've read textbooks and that's why you are qualified) at a less expensive school that gives me flexible hours and scheduling where I don't feel stressed out. I get my knowledge, my fancy paper, and my hope for a brighter future all wrapped into a simple education.

Yes, I like this plan.